UGLY *****

we strolled the Portland strip

exploring newness

Embracing the company

Of one another.

Ambling, we reached

The emptiest sidewalk

and approached a man.

My eyes locked to his. Sort of like how

His bum was locked to the bench he was sitting on.

with sheer disgust.

He gazed into my soul.

Shaking his head

purely disgraced.

He paced his eyes to me

Then to ben

And back at me.

Instantly,

hatred

propelled from his eyes

To mine.

Racism lived inside

His bones.

But mine, they trembled

The audible hatred

replays in my ears

“Ugly bitch”

again…

“Ugly bitch”

You ponder…

What a reaction would be like in

these racist encounters

But we froze.

Tears trekked throughly

down the face of my brown skin

My husband wiped my tears.

“What do you want me do?”

Me: “Can you pray for him?”

I wish we’d done more

I wish hatred wasn’t this real

To a black woman like me.

I wish people knew how black people are

Still being treated in America.

Like dogs.

That’s how I felt in this moment.

I felt ugly

I felt unworthy

I know who reigns

King Jesus

But this is real

And it still pains.

Was he high,

Homeless

Mentally ill?

or on pills?

This is information absent from me.

But what is not absent is this:

• our ability to turn the other cheek

• to pray for our enemies

But the big red bruise on his face

Speaks to me.

As he verbally abused me

I peered at that bruise.

Maybe he messed with the “wrong one”.

My husband was going to hit him.

I was going to hit him.

We raced down the street

And in that moment,

My heart chose to turn the other cheek.

Anxiety crippled inside

I was short on breath

My head went light.

Calmness then resided.

We prayed for this city.

The “weird” that is a stronghold,

a divide from heaven to earth.

We were sent here to pray.

To intercede.

To see the darkness and be a light.